wedding woes

Soooo many things to think about for this upcoming thingy:

1. When is the most appropriate time to send out invitation cards?

2. Dia taknak sanding (at his place), ok lah. But he's not interested in buat makan beradab also. How la kan? I don't quite mind because its just tradition's sake but doing neither? That's a bit hmmm tak kena? So I should just walk in at his place and start socializing with his side of family?

3. I tak sabar nak khawin.

4. I explained to him that doing his side of makan-makan in a hall (for his side) would be a bittttt cheaper than doing it at his house. (due to extra cost of canopy, house decorations, cost of cleaning etc) but he is so adamant because he says that since I will be doing it at my house, he is going to do it at his as well. Katanya macam lain if I buat kat rumah dia buat kat dewan. Ramaaaaai je buat macam tu okay. Kadang-kadang girl buat kat hotel, lelaki buat kat rumah vice versa. Tapi he's hard-headed haha so biar je lah. Malas nak argue.

5. He is super hard-headed. Tapi baguslah, it compliments my trait yang gila indecisive. Kalau dah nak satu benda, tuuuu jelah yang dia nak. He wouldn't budge UNTIL I either thoroughly explain everything to him with facts and evidence or I would just buat-buat nangis haha. (Dah lari topik kahwin dah ni!)

6. My mum cakap since I dah dapat a nice ring for my engagement, I should ask for a necklace instead (within the same budget) for batal air sembahyang, tapi I want a ring lagi. I want to wear two rings at the same finger, boleh? Tapi see how lah, a necklace wouldn't harm pun.

7. I want to use fresh flowers for our hantaran please. I don't demand much, but yes fresh flowers thank you.

8. It's not wrong to do the decos for his side of hantarans right? Aunty Mala dah offer dah, so ok lah kan?

9. I can't wait to go to Singapore to start shopping. weeeee.

10. I love him very much and I can't can't wait to start spending the rest of my life with him.

thursday madness

Dear God,

Please give me the strength to live each day of my life. Please give me guidance to show me which road I should take, and please be there along every step of the way.

I know I've made a lot of mistakes in my life, but it's only because I've been lost for the longest time... and I've never truly been found.

Everyday I want so much to be able to find the meaning of everything, and to understand the one true reason to why I'm standing here. I want so much to understand every layer of how I've come to become who I am, and to finally feel contention within myself.

I know I've hurt many along the way, but it's only because I've been hurt too many times myself. There are many situations that I fail to grasp, and sometimes I stumble and selfishly hurt the people that don't deserve it.

Right now it feels like I'm failing again, and I need so much for a hand to hold, to prop me up along the way. Yet I know that people come and go and ultimately, we arrive and we leave this world alone. You've given me amazing people that have accompanied me throughout the journey, but you've also taken them away from me when I wasn't ready to let them go.

I've tried to hold on to a special few but even they seem to be falling from my grasp lately. I guess it's true what they say... the tighter you hold, the easier things shatter and break, and everything seems to be breaking right now, and I'm hurting myself in picking up the pieces.I'm not content where I am, yet I'm not sure where I really want to be.

random schmandom

Dah 3 hari tak dengar suara tunang, and I am super worried because he's heading to I don't know where first then off to somewhere else and semalam baru ada tsunami, earthquake Vietnam, Indo, Myanmar, Philippines, Laos area.

Please God, let him be safe. Please.

****

Anyhoot, here's some of the stuffs/things I want for my birthday (walaupun dah overdue.)

1. A new phone. I seriously don't mind what type of phone coz my current phone is just so fucked up. Charge satu hari, 2 hours je tahan. Tak boleh guna loud speaker dah. Tak boleh tengok internet thru phone lagi dah!

2. A new whole set of clothes. Top to toe ok. Jeans, belt, shirt/blouse, cardigan, handbag, bra, undies, jam and shoes. Haha.

3. Being mortgage/ debt free.

4. Khawin cepat! I can't wait to wake up next to him everyday of my life. Khawin lariiii!

5. Gym membership for free. Coz I am just getting fatter and fatter everyday.

6. Rent/ buy a place somewhere near Subang. Woot. Can't wait to decorate my own crib. Hehe.

Dah, please please, before my 25 next year I dah dapat semua ni ok. Lol.

Tangan dah kebas. Ta.