come fly me

Tunang saya tak balik lagi. Geram ok. Dahlah nak dekat exams.
Tapi tawakal je lah. Dah kerja dia macam tu.
I can't wait for him to be home.
Geram rasa nak picit hidung dia lama-lama!

Banyak benda nak buat ok. Geram gilaaaa!

Ok dah, nak belajar.

love actually

Dear God,

For once I met a guy that could accept me as I am, good and bad, someone that did not even care about my past but instead couldn't stop looking forward to out future together. You give me someone that would be there for me at all times, let it be emotionally, physically or even financially. You give me a guy whom I can share everything with, my woes and happiness and someone that ALL my friends adore and respect. For once you give me a person that would love me no less than what he could give and someone that I KNOW would make it by all means to take care of me and protect me from everything.

For once you gave someone as perfect as him and someone I would love with all my hearts.

So please, do not take him away from me by any means. At least not until this soul has been taken away from its body.

Amin.

october rain

I had a good week. I mean not thhaaaaat good. But it wasn't nerve wrecking as usual.

Today, although I slept really late last night, I woke up reallly early for some grant-thingy and then I went to the dentist and waited for a good 2 hours before it was my turn to be called. Then went back home and slept the whole evening.

Woke up with a very hungry tummy and asked the boys to accompany me for dinner but only Kudim Kudamn was available and so he teman-ed me. Its good to have a heart to heart talk with your guy friend and make them open up to you things that they usually don't talk among themselves.

Fiancée has been away for a week and I got to talk to him yesterday only for him to leave today. Sedih. But the good news is, he's coming back next week! yeay. I can't wait! I miss him very much. And as the times goes, it made me realize even more that he is the perfect one for me. For one, never has a guy succeeded in making me so loyal and not wanting to know/get to know other guys. Get what I mean? And then, for once I could be frank to someone and be myself, but better. Haha. Faham? Whatever it is, I love him and I hope it would stay this way for a very long time.

On wedding thingy. Everybody wants to take part in my wedding. So I guess I am stuck with 2 bridesmaids and 3 maids of honor. It was so sweet of them to have offered themselves to help me. I may not be blessed with many many girlfriends (I think my guy friends outnumbered the girls) but I am blessed by really really special and great ones! So bridesmaids- Hola Bola & Ain, maid of honors - Hid, Nana, Zehan.

Ok lah, I need to go study as I have only 17 days left for my exams. Haiya!

down in here

Sometimes I feel like there's just this huge knot in my gutt. Waiting to explode.
There's just so many things to do, yet so little time. And it does not help that I have this stupid stupid procrastinate attitude in me. I need to change. I just have to.

I feel so weak. This is not me. I bounce back everytime I am down but this time I feel like I just want to curl down there. I need to bounce back. Gah.

God, please give me the strength to survive each and every day here.

wedding woes

Soooo many things to think about for this upcoming thingy:

1. When is the most appropriate time to send out invitation cards?

2. Dia taknak sanding (at his place), ok lah. But he's not interested in buat makan beradab also. How la kan? I don't quite mind because its just tradition's sake but doing neither? That's a bit hmmm tak kena? So I should just walk in at his place and start socializing with his side of family?

3. I tak sabar nak khawin.

4. I explained to him that doing his side of makan-makan in a hall (for his side) would be a bittttt cheaper than doing it at his house. (due to extra cost of canopy, house decorations, cost of cleaning etc) but he is so adamant because he says that since I will be doing it at my house, he is going to do it at his as well. Katanya macam lain if I buat kat rumah dia buat kat dewan. Ramaaaaai je buat macam tu okay. Kadang-kadang girl buat kat hotel, lelaki buat kat rumah vice versa. Tapi he's hard-headed haha so biar je lah. Malas nak argue.

5. He is super hard-headed. Tapi baguslah, it compliments my trait yang gila indecisive. Kalau dah nak satu benda, tuuuu jelah yang dia nak. He wouldn't budge UNTIL I either thoroughly explain everything to him with facts and evidence or I would just buat-buat nangis haha. (Dah lari topik kahwin dah ni!)

6. My mum cakap since I dah dapat a nice ring for my engagement, I should ask for a necklace instead (within the same budget) for batal air sembahyang, tapi I want a ring lagi. I want to wear two rings at the same finger, boleh? Tapi see how lah, a necklace wouldn't harm pun.

7. I want to use fresh flowers for our hantaran please. I don't demand much, but yes fresh flowers thank you.

8. It's not wrong to do the decos for his side of hantarans right? Aunty Mala dah offer dah, so ok lah kan?

9. I can't wait to go to Singapore to start shopping. weeeee.

10. I love him very much and I can't can't wait to start spending the rest of my life with him.

thursday madness

Dear God,

Please give me the strength to live each day of my life. Please give me guidance to show me which road I should take, and please be there along every step of the way.

I know I've made a lot of mistakes in my life, but it's only because I've been lost for the longest time... and I've never truly been found.

Everyday I want so much to be able to find the meaning of everything, and to understand the one true reason to why I'm standing here. I want so much to understand every layer of how I've come to become who I am, and to finally feel contention within myself.

I know I've hurt many along the way, but it's only because I've been hurt too many times myself. There are many situations that I fail to grasp, and sometimes I stumble and selfishly hurt the people that don't deserve it.

Right now it feels like I'm failing again, and I need so much for a hand to hold, to prop me up along the way. Yet I know that people come and go and ultimately, we arrive and we leave this world alone. You've given me amazing people that have accompanied me throughout the journey, but you've also taken them away from me when I wasn't ready to let them go.

I've tried to hold on to a special few but even they seem to be falling from my grasp lately. I guess it's true what they say... the tighter you hold, the easier things shatter and break, and everything seems to be breaking right now, and I'm hurting myself in picking up the pieces.I'm not content where I am, yet I'm not sure where I really want to be.

random schmandom

Dah 3 hari tak dengar suara tunang, and I am super worried because he's heading to I don't know where first then off to somewhere else and semalam baru ada tsunami, earthquake Vietnam, Indo, Myanmar, Philippines, Laos area.

Please God, let him be safe. Please.

****

Anyhoot, here's some of the stuffs/things I want for my birthday (walaupun dah overdue.)

1. A new phone. I seriously don't mind what type of phone coz my current phone is just so fucked up. Charge satu hari, 2 hours je tahan. Tak boleh guna loud speaker dah. Tak boleh tengok internet thru phone lagi dah!

2. A new whole set of clothes. Top to toe ok. Jeans, belt, shirt/blouse, cardigan, handbag, bra, undies, jam and shoes. Haha.

3. Being mortgage/ debt free.

4. Khawin cepat! I can't wait to wake up next to him everyday of my life. Khawin lariiii!

5. Gym membership for free. Coz I am just getting fatter and fatter everyday.

6. Rent/ buy a place somewhere near Subang. Woot. Can't wait to decorate my own crib. Hehe.

Dah, please please, before my 25 next year I dah dapat semua ni ok. Lol.

Tangan dah kebas. Ta.