Happy daddy's day!

Hey blog blog, I know its still a tad too early for father's day. Its 20th June btw but I suddenly got this urge to write about my dad.

Dad, I love you for holding my hands when I could barely walk.
I love you for giving us a roof, giving us food and supporting us endlessly when I know how hard it must be being a dad, looking out for so many people in the family,
I love you for covering me up from mama when I was in my rebellious years.
I love you for backing me up from mama when she lashes out at me for stupid reasons.
I love you for splurging money for us in so many ways.
I love you for paying for my studies even though I have disappointed you in many ways.
I love you looking so proud when I excelled in my studies.
I love you not giving me up on me when I failed my papers.
I love you when you stood by me when stupid boys hurt my heart.
I love you when you came back from work and hang out with us before calling it a day.
I love you when you try to come up with lame jokes to make us laugh.
I love you when you were the one to give me away during my wedding.
I love you when you still love me even though I failed you so many times.
I love you because you never bring up the topic of how I failed you miserably.
I love you when you call me princess.
I love you because I will be your only princess.
I love you because you are my father, the dearest, the wisest, the funniest, the most kind hearted person I have ever known.
And one day, I hope my husband could be the best father as you are.
I love you so much. Happy father’s day ayah.

FM.

random love note

Dear blogblog,


Its different you know, being married and being in a relationship. I get to wake up to the person I love every single morning. Do something in between.
And then do things together and knowing he'd be there to accompany me. Do impromptu things like going for a movie, a karaoke session or just hanging around at the house playing games and all, make everything feels so meaningful. And then when its time to go to bed, he is going to be the last person I see, I kiss and I hold.


But not everything is easy as it seems. He has to bear with me always wanting to wake up late. He has to bear with me being a sloppy messy person. And I have to bear with him being a neat freak (he wakes up and immediately cleans the house!) I have to bear with him being fussy. But those are the things that makes him perfect. The imperfections of each other makes us feel it is the most perfect thing in the world. The imperfections made us fell for each other more and more each day.


I love you Shahnaz.

love actually

Dear God,

For once I met a guy that could accept me as I am, good and bad, someone that did not even care about my past but instead couldn't stop looking forward to out future together. You give me someone that would be there for me at all times, let it be emotionally, physically or even financially. You give me a guy whom I can share everything with, my woes and happiness and someone that ALL my friends adore and respect. For once you give me a person that would love me no less than what he could give and someone that I KNOW would make it by all means to take care of me and protect me from everything.

For once you gave someone as perfect as him and someone I would love with all my hearts.

So please, do not take him away from me by any means. At least not until this soul has been taken away from its body.

Amin.

I am thirsty, cranky but happy.

Well hello blogblog. 

Here we go with the numerical updates again;

1. I got engaged last Saturday. Yeay. 1 Aug 2009. Tapi today (5 Aug 2009) I think I misplaced the ring. How fucked up can that be. I woke up without the ring on my finger and because Hola was waiting downstairs for me, I couldn't look for it thoroughly. Damn it. I hope its still in my room. Please please please let it be in the room. 

2. About the ring. The fiancee bought me a sweet simple ring. Because with the environment I work in, the ring has to be as practical as a knife. -If you know what I mean. But because his mom thinks its too small - the bling, she replaced it with another ring. After 2 days only did we realize it was not the same ring he bought for me. And the best thing is, I love the new ring! Haha. I mean I loved the old ring but this one is nicerrrr.

3. Fuck its soooo hot here in this shop. Random.

4. Uncles and aunties were so helpful. They came, gubah the hantaran, cooked, mingled etc. Basically they did all the dirty hard work. It was so sweet of them. I am glad and blessed to have families like them.

5. Friends, and I mean real friends came. And that is all that matters. I don't need hundreds of friends to come to the thingy only to be happy with few of them. 

6. My 1st CIMA class starts this Sunday. And shit its going to be a 6 hours class with 1 hour break in between. I hate it ok.

Oh pictures, malaslah. Siapa nak tengok, go tengok facebook. heh.

p/s: I love you even more now.

p/p/s: Hola's going back to OZ soon. :(

Engagement part uno

I am getting engaged in 8 days time. Jeez, how time flies.

Hantaran - hampir siap. On my side semua dah ada except songkok, kemeja, fruits, sirih junjung. The Johorians, we usually do the decorations on our own and not use the service of wedding planners and all, jadi all my aunts would arrive from Johor on Friday. Yeay. And I need to get fresh flowers before they reach here.

Food - Banyak sangat kepala ok on this one. Mak Uda kejap nak buat nasi minyak, Mak Cu kejap kata laksa johor, roti jala etc, mumzy kejap cakap lauk-lauk melayu. Headache okay! Up until now, no definite decision lagi!

Canopy - Belum book lagi. Heh. Mumzy tanya I dah book ke belum I said 'DAH'. :D

Guestlist - Main ajak je semua orang yang dah tahu. Heh.

Baju - Dah siap! And its kinda cheap. RM135 je tailoring dia.

The Guy - Excited tak habis-habis. Sikit-sikit panggil I 'bakal tunang'. Hehe.

At this point, with the rentals kedai tak bayar lagi, with plenty lagi monetary problems, I am happy. Yeay.

Finally 101

So he may not propose me with a ring in my cake with a quartet behind us singing our song (do we even have ‘our’ song?) in some fancy place and perhaps not on his knees with roses in his hands while promising thousand things and saying beautiful words but we were at ‘our’ place, overlooking the entire Shah Alam city and I am sure he did not expect me to be in the position of me bending to tie his shoe lace (which mind you, I playfully untie it before that). He pointed the ring box and asks me to open it and after a hesitant 1 minute, asked me the 4 words I have been meaning to hear from him. Finally huh?

And to make things even cuter, he did not even dare (I think) to put the ring on my fingers, instead I had to ‘try’ it on and it matched perfectly. And suffice to say, I was crazy embarrassed and I don’t know why but perhaps because it was not expected?

So yeah, the proposal may not be as perfect as I imagined it to be when I was 9 years old. And I hate being told by my grandma how Razi proposed Shikin in some fancy hotel with the ring engraved with their name and how there’s a quartet singing their song, but for some reason or for all the reasons that matters, it is just perfect for me. And hey, that is all that matters right?
So yes, his imperfections, our imperfections are the one that made this relationship perfect.

I love you.

brothers & sisters

Boyfriend will be back in 7 days. Yeeaay!
I can't wait to start planning mm you know what lah. (I don't wanna jinx it.)
I miss him like gila okay. I got to talk to him for only 2 days and there he goes again. He would be uncontactable for 7 freaking days.

I am glad we're still as strong as ever.

****

My uncle went for a bypass the other day, and it freaked me out knowing my own uncle, someone I last met 2 months ago is still in the ICU after the surgery. I looked at my dad's wrinkly face and smile, feeling blessed because he is still infront of me, healthy, just healthy and happy.

The other he called me and ask me whether I would be home in time for dinner since my brother just got back from JB and he wants us to have dinner together. I ask them to go on without me because I don't want them to wait, just in case. But infront of Concorde I called him and luckily all of them are still in the kedai makan and so I joined them.
The minute I sat down, my mum said 'Dah lama tak makan sama-sama kan. I am so happy tonight.' She looked at my dad and nudged him and he said 'Tu lah. Dah lama tak macam ni. Lega tengok semua dah besar. And kaklong tak buat hal.'
Heh. Coming from a man with literally very few words, I smiled. Happy.

Then came questions from me such as 'ayah ada sakit jantung tak, jantung ayah sakit tak, high blood pressure ok tak, kenapa tak makan banyak-banyak, kerja penat tak.' He would usually disregard my questions because he thinks I am annoying that way, but that night he answered it patiently knowing his answers matters to me this time.

I can't imagine losing him. I don't want to imagine losing him. Losing them.

To Arina, I hope ayah ngah gets better soon.

****

It made me feel good when I paid the workers their salary the other day. But effing shit when I had to borrow some people money and had to hold some of the staffs' salary because I just can't afford to pay them yet.
Lucky we have that 7 day of the month maximum day labour law!

I wanted to buy my mom, my dad and my brother something. But it felt shitty when I hold that money in my hand contemplating on whether to spend it on my family or save it to buy stocks for tomorrow.
InsyaAllah I will prove to them one day that all this hardwork, my hardwork, is all worth it.

Now I am contemplating on staying up till 2am to watch lipstick jungle or to sleep because I have to wake up at 530am tomorrow. Heh.
Decisions decisions.

3 words.

Pergi pukul 2. Dengan bul berdua. Berhenti di melaka. Sampai pukul 6. Ke singapura terus. Sampai pukul 7. He's already there. Hugged him tightly. Went to hooters. Enjoyed the tits. Jalan pimpin tangan. Tengok lampu-lampu. Lepas sedikit rindu. Balik pukul 2. Sampai at 3. Drove until melaka. Singgah ayer keroh. Bul pandu selebihnya. Sampai at 7. Singgah old town. Pulang ke rumah.

Discover true friend. Met the love. Fatigue, satisfied, thankful.

Thanks hasbullah.

See u in 60 days, love!

-via nokia

Day 1

Love note: Even when we're far apart, you're always in my heart.

Today marks the first day he left for Singapore and will be gone for 3 months, hence the title.

The love note is the note I pull out from this jar of 100 notes he gave me. He asked me to promise to only pull out not more than one a day. And incidentally, that was the word that were written on the note, today.

****

I miss him already. Really bad. I put his perfume-sprayed shirt on my body every time I lay on the bed as if I was actually hugging him and the scent of him brings flutters to my heart and made me smile.

And when I really really miss him, I play this video of him just smiling while driving the car, with me laughing at the back. It was happiness.

And when I randomly think of him, I kiss this pendant I am wearing, knowing he's wearing the same thing would make me feel closer to him.

I know, first day and I miss him that much already.

How can I survive 100 days?

****
Anyway, sent him at KL central just now and I met his mom and sis.
Mm. I wanted to hug him badly but since they were there so malu a bit lah.
So I teman-ed him for his fag outside and we hugged cover-cover beside his mum.

It was so sweet.

p/s: Air mata aku dah bergenang okay.
p/s: I am celebrating my 1st valentine's with him this year, on my own.

the believer.

Long distance relationships are not easy. It is like believing in God. Trusting Him and talking to Him when he can't even be seen. You just believe he is there. And then there's the satan who would always try to sway your faith around and make you crumble. Well, sort of.

In 2 days I will be in my first and hopefully last LDR and it makes me nervous. There are like so many 'what & how ifs' in my mind that I don't seem to have any answers to. How would it be not talking to him for few days straight when you talk for hours every night? How would it be if he's not there when you get into trouble? What if you go on a date with another guy, is that considered cheating? What if you're asleep when he calls you? The list could go on endlessly but the ultimate question is, what if either one of us has a change of heart?

So to me this thing right here is like faith. If you believe in it, then believe in it and do not be easily swayed by other influences that might ruin the relationship. In the end, like faith, it will reward you in something unimaginable to the heart. Happiness.

Hence, right now I am trying to be strong, absorbing this moment and thoughts of him so that I would not be diverted into something that could destroy everything. Right now I am trying to understand that life and love would not be exciting if its just straight path all the way. Smell the roses, hear the birds and smell the air because like a walk, love and life is an adventure.

I will always, always try to make this work.

p/s: less than 50 hours before he's going and I think his phone went kapoot because I can't get through him for the past 2 hours! Gah. I miss him, already.