Pls come home.

My cat may be lost or dead and for a week I've been keeping my hopes high because my other cat found her way back home after a week missing.
Now it has been almost 2 weeks and Jack is still not home yet.

It hasn't sunk in to me that he may be dead because I know he's a naughty cat, probably wandering around looking for a new mate but a part of me kind of knew he wouldn't be coming home.

He was a birthday gift from dad on my 18th. A gift, adding joy to our family, amusing us with his antiques, making us mad with his place marking - he peed everywhere!, bringing smiles to us everyday. He was such a gentleman, saying hi to every new faces he met. Constantly seeking for attention, wanting to be stroked and pet. Such an intuitive boy, fell down twice and broke 2 of his legs and oh boy, how we had to nurse him back to health.

I'm worried he's not eating well because of all the 7 years, he has never been away from home this long and he doesn't know how to eat food other than his. He doesn't like rain and he's scared of thunder.

I miss his wet nose, his constant seeking for attention, the scratching he does whenever we close our bedroom door, looking at him lying on his back, teasing him with ropes, scaring him with the vacuum cleaner, feeding him and yeah even cleaning his poop.
I miss him so much.

He is much a part of the family than anyone would ever be.

So pls God, I don't ask much from you, just pls, if he's dead, I hope you let him die in dignity. If he's lost, pls lead him back home safely.


Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

Envy

As much as I want to get rid of the feeling envy whenever someone is much better in terms of almost everything than I am, I could not. I should be happy for them but I could not.
I am not perfect, no one is. But why do I see people around me more fortunate than I am? More smarter, richer, prettier, luckier. With great hair, great job, great body, great handbag?

I know I should be thankful for everything I have and really, I am thankful for He has blessed me with more than I deserved but gees, this feeling is disturbing. Am I just this sick? Or does other people feel envy towards people around them as well?

Guess I'll never find out.


Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

life as it is.

Hi blogblog.

Husband sekarang pergi jumpa kawannya. Aku suka bila dia pergi bersosial. Bukan sebab aku tak suka tengok muka dia 24/7 tapi aku suka bila dia dapat balance-kan hidupnya. Bukan untuk aku je. Kawan-kawan penting. Tak logik untuk duduk berdua saja dan rasa tak kena. Eventhough aku paksa-paksa, pujuk dia untuk keluar, aku tersedar yang aku sendiri jarang keluar. Bila kawan mengajak keluar, aku malas. Bila aku terasa nak keluar, mereka pula yang sibuk. Tapi takpe, weekend ni aku ada 2 social events yang aku nantikan. Honestly, I miss my friends. Cumanya, aku memang pemalas.

Adik aku fail lagi satu-satunya paper yang membolehkannya bergelar CPL holder. Untuk kali ke 3. Dia sedih seharian. Aku faham perasaannya. Banyak kali jugak aku fail paper(s). Dia tak nak bagitahu ayah aku, takut di marah katanya - dah 3 kali ayah aku diberitahu. Aku faham juga. Aku pun tak bagitahu mereka - parents masa aku fail paper dulu tapi sekarang when I turn back, I wished I had told them. Memang mereka akan marah, but we deserve it kan? Sebab takut mereka marah tu lah kita akan cuba tak buat lagi. Kan?
Tapi semalam, sebab kesiankan muka adik aku, aku biarkan dia sembunyikan rahsianya buat kali terakhir. If he fails again, saya akan jadi tukang report! :)

Oh, last week duit banyak dihabiskan on pregnancy test kit. Lepas bulan puasa hari tu, period aku tak keluar-keluar. Memang badan aku pelik, bila stress, memang akan sampai 3-4 bulan period aku akan jadi haywire. Tapi setahu aku, semenjak sambal sambal dijual, hidup aku kurang stress hence sepatutunya period aku jadi stabil. Jadi aku ingatkan aku mengandung. Kesemua 5-6 stick mengatakan negative. Heh.
Sudahnya on the day that I bought 2 sticks at one go - just in case, malam tu lah juga period aku keluar.
Aku lega, sebab sejujurnya financially, socially and emotionally aku belum sedia. Tapi aku kecewa, sebab well, who doesn't want to have a baby. Dan sebenarnya aku cemburu tengok semua orang yang kahwin selepas aku kahwin, dah pun mengandung.
*Conclusion: how do we know we are ready for a baby? we will never know! its a gift, a surprise, so insyaAllah, if one day it comes, I'll be the happiest.

Pasal berhenti kerja pula. Aku penat diadili. Macam kerja yang aku buat tak langsung dihargai.
Jadi senang, aku berhenti. 15 days later, aku dapat kerja baru. Permanent. Better perks, better environment, better people. Yang paling best, aku tak perlu bayar untuk hospital masa nak beranak nanti. :)
Dan aku tersedar, memang perjalanan karier aku untuk tahun-tahun akan datang is in FMCG. Alhamdulillah.

Aku nak kena belajar. 2 paper in 14 days.
Oh, aku ada impian baru. Biar aku lepaskan kedua-dua kertas ni nanti aku cerita.

From Johor Bahru with Love

Hye kak long! I mis u!

Ingt x mase kecik2 kte maen super mario atas tembok rumah taman suria? Ngahaha. Random.

Lovs!
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

monday.

Hi blog blog,
I miss writing to you. But there's just so many things happening. :(
Oh, I quit my job. Got a new one.
Exam is in less than 15 days.
I wanna poop.

Later.

Fw: Disappointed

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device via Vodafone-Celcom Mobile.

-----Original Message-----
From: farhanah1309@gmail.com
Date: Fri, 17 Sep 2010 15:03:54
To: <pseudonym.aku.1234@blogspot.com>
Reply-To: farhanah1309@gmail.com
Subject: Disappointed

I am disappointed with twitter, because I can't seem to log in.
I am disappointed with my job, because the people there don't seem to appreciate me.
I am disappointed in him, because at times he just cannot compromise.
Despite all that, he is still the best, no doubt.
I am just easily disappointed nowadays.

Thank you.


Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device via Vodafone-Celcom Mobile.

Work, husband, ramadhan. In that sequence.

Hi blog blog,

Work has been hectic. Really hectic, especially during the month end and early of the month. So far, the latest I got back from work is 1am. The others in my team had to stay till 3am that day. And all this while I thought doing something that had nothing to do with audit was okay. Silaap besar ah!
BUT honestly I love the challenge so far. Yup yup amazed kan?

Hubster is backkkkkk! Yeay. Best gila! The last 3 months felt a lot more longer than it used too. But he's back and that's all that matters now.
We plan to go somewhere after the raya. Yeay. Don't wanna jinx it. :)

I miss my room in shah alam. Not that I don't like living in our own house but I miss seeing my dad in front of the tv after coming back from work. I miss my mom's constant nagging. I miss seeing my brothers in front of the tv when I wake up. I miss having to do laundry and helping mom in the kitchen. Its not wrong right? I mean, I grew up with those routines for 24 years, its a bit hard to rub it off but it doesn't mean that I'm not trying to adapt to this new life.

Good night blogblog.

I don't want it anymore.

I wanted to climb the corporate ladder. I wanted to be on top.
I wanted to be able to own my sets of minions.
I wanted my parents to be able to be proud of me.
I wanted my friends to envy the job I have.

Now, taknak dah!
If by wanting that means I have to be working till 11pm a whole week.
If by wanting that I have to sacrifice my sleep, spending time with loved ones and my health, then I don't want it anymore.

Its hard. Really hard.
*sigh*

P/s: ni emo talk je. Nanti ok lah. Heh.

I miss u hubster. Eh random. Hehe.
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device via Vodafone-Celcom Mobile.

Work it.

Okay. Updates:

The new job is fun. As in I had fun learning new things and all. Things that I never knew I could understand. Such as, hyperion reporting, intercompany thingamajig etc. But I did. Shows I'm not that blergh.

But, the thing is, it is really hard. Not the I-am-stupid hard but there's-a-lot-of-work hard. The accountant just quit so I was there to assist the transition, but here I am taking over her task. She is an MIA accountant so basically she's qualified, trained and experienced whereas I'm just so new and inexperienced! So I really had to buck it up and learn really fast to take over her job.
She officially left yesterday so this coming monday I'm really screwed.

And the working hours are crazy! The earliest I left the office was at 630pm. The latest, 930pm! Also, the period cut off is on the 15th and so its really funny having to finish all the reports on the 15th and not 30th.

Haish. Its fun, but tiring, but fun. I know I'll gain a lot of experience and knowledge here and I bet I'd be really valuable after leaving the company. But for now, let's just hope I can bear everything and won't dissapear. Hehe.

Au revoir.




Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device via Vodafone-Celcom Mobile.

Alhamdulillah

Hey blog blog,

I'm sorry I've been neglecting you for awhile. I've been really busy with friends, looking for job, interviews etc.

Anyway, I'm currently employed. Alhamdulillah. I am really grateful this time around because it is just what I need. Thank you to the people who has been praying for me, especially le hubs.
The job is hectic. There's so many things to learn and new things to adapt but insyaAllah, with a little humility, I will love it here.

And Marsha came. She texted me some time back saying she just broke off her engagement, quit her job and needs to start fresh. So I sorta invited her over to shah alam and introduced to one of le hubs bestfriend and they are now dating.
At first I was skeptical about her. I mean she had a long bumpy history and let's just say it was not a good one but once I opened my mind that people do change, they can change to be better,I relented and stop trying to catch a glimpse of who she's sms-ing, calling etc. Lol. I mean, not everyone is perfect. As long as we have the will to change, that is good enough.

And this time around, I am happy for them.

I miss le hubs, he's gonna be back next month. Yeay. And I love him more than ever.

Oh and Hola bola is back. There's just so many things we could do when she's around and we're gonna have loadsa fun!

I think everything is going well for me. (Except that arghhh, duit takde nak bayar car installment, insurance and cc haha) and I am grateful. Really.
God really work in mysterious way kan? He takes away something from me and gives me something better. :) just when I thought I was going to be left in the dumps (figuratively) He pulls me back and left me in a garden instead. Now its time for me to plant some trees.

Well, gotta get some sleep. Esok kerja. Boo. But its friday. So yeay!

Meow

My one cat is missing. Dah 3 hari ok. I'm worried. Now my other cat semacam je. He's not as playful, taknak makan (kalau nak suruh makan kena teman ok!), macam moody je.
I am worried. My missing cat has been in the family for 8 years ok. She basically grew up with us. we nurtured her from the moment she was born.
Please pray for her safe return.


Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device via Vodafone-Celcom Mobile.

wedding.r

oh saya dah tulis pasal wedding saya hari tu. gambar je belum ada lagi. :D
sabar ye blogblog. :)

Happy daddy's day!

Hey blog blog, I know its still a tad too early for father's day. Its 20th June btw but I suddenly got this urge to write about my dad.

Dad, I love you for holding my hands when I could barely walk.
I love you for giving us a roof, giving us food and supporting us endlessly when I know how hard it must be being a dad, looking out for so many people in the family,
I love you for covering me up from mama when I was in my rebellious years.
I love you for backing me up from mama when she lashes out at me for stupid reasons.
I love you for splurging money for us in so many ways.
I love you for paying for my studies even though I have disappointed you in many ways.
I love you looking so proud when I excelled in my studies.
I love you not giving me up on me when I failed my papers.
I love you when you stood by me when stupid boys hurt my heart.
I love you when you came back from work and hang out with us before calling it a day.
I love you when you try to come up with lame jokes to make us laugh.
I love you when you were the one to give me away during my wedding.
I love you when you still love me even though I failed you so many times.
I love you because you never bring up the topic of how I failed you miserably.
I love you when you call me princess.
I love you because I will be your only princess.
I love you because you are my father, the dearest, the wisest, the funniest, the most kind hearted person I have ever known.
And one day, I hope my husband could be the best father as you are.
I love you so much. Happy father’s day ayah.

FM.

Lost

When we are lost, we will come upon every chance of roads. We will discover, we will try to find ourselves and we will reconnect. Until we find the route again. Then we know we are free. Free of deciding.



Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device via Vodafone-Celcom Mobile.

Holidayeeee!

Blogblog,
I can't wait for february to come. I've bought tix for phuket for only RM104!
I can't wait for him to come back because I can't wait to travel with him. So many plans in my mind I want him back sooon!

Oh I got a job. The job I wanted. Alhamdulillah. Now, to figure out on how to be a daughter to 2 sets of parents, a wife, a student and an employee. Hmm. I'm no good at multi tasking but I hope I'll manage. :)

Oh I also need to lose weight. Been 5 months since I last went to the gym. That's RM550 to u! Haish. I can't exactly revoke the contract, might as well go and burn calories kan? Tapi, I will work with another fitness centre. I bet that can be a reason to revoke a contract kan? Hmm?

Ok. Random. Good night.


Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device via Vodafone-Celcom Mobile.

Tsk tsk

My husband is a marine engineer.
My husband makes approx RM100k a year.
My husband bought his car using his own money. Heck I bought my car using my own money la wey.
My husband covers all his wedding expenses and even some of mine using his hard earned money. No one helped.
My husband never ever boast about anything to me. It took me a year to find out how much he makes.
My husband works for 3 months straight without seeing me and yet I did not publicise it as much as you did (3 weeks, what?).

ALL my previous ex are professionals. There's an auditor, pilot, licensed aircraft engineer and an electrical engineer. Did I rub it in your face? Whenever?

Ish. So stop fussing about your new boyfriend, your ex boyfriends. Its funny why he needs to tell you all that, and funnier when you feel the urge to tell me.
I mean I could understand if you want to tell me about your dates, your moments with him. I'd happily be happy for you. but oi! you're bragging lah!

Tsk tsk tsk.

Saya malas!

Hello,

Saya dah jadi pemalas yang amat. Saya tidur pukul 2 pagi setiap hari dan masih menggeliat dia katil sehingga 12 tengahari. Katil saya sangat sedap. Empuk dan sejuk, seperti yang saya suka!

Saya perlu mendapatkan kerja dan mula belajar. Kelas sudah mahu mula. Haish.

Sambung tidur?

I am available and I am job hunting!

I went for 2 interviews this week and I really hope I could nail one of it, at least one of it. Everyone has been so optimist and telling me 'don't worry, you will get the job. Don't worry, you are qualified bla bla.'

The thing is, I have not been leaving in the real world for the past 15 months. I've been leaving in a small cocoon safeguarded by my parents, husband, and friends. I am scared. But hey, I am a big girl and its time to venture out. So yes, I am going to be optimist as well! So insyaAllah, I will get the job, well at least one of it. In the mean time, I will just send out more resumes!

Good night lovelies.
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device via Vodafone-Celcom Mobile.

When he's feeling low

What do you do when you're husband is feeling low?
Cheer him up, make fun of yourself, ask him stupid teka teki, reminisce.
Most importantly, do not tell him that you're feeling low as well. :)

There's still 9 weeks to go. And I hope he stays strong, coz I am trying too.
I love him.




Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device via Vodafone-Celcom Mobile.

Missing

I miss him.
I miss my brothers.
I miss hola.
I miss my friends.
I miss everyone. :(

IMG00225-20100521-2221.jpg

Kucing ni akan teman saya everytime saya di rumah since suami dah pergi bekerja. Saya pergi mana-mana pun dia nak ikut. Maybe suami saya suruh dia jaga saya? Hehe
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device via Vodafone-Celcom Mobile.

I miss you

Blogblog,

Tonight are one of the nights that I miss him real bad.

Do you know how it feels waking up alone every morning, wearing his perfume so I won't forget how he smells, driving his car on my own when I am usually chauffeured around by him, running errands alone and not having him help me, going to our house and see all his things scattered around but he's not there, meeting our friends and I cannot properly answer how I feel when he's not around - please do not ask me anymore (esp when they ask 'boleh ke tahan 3 bulan?',) it actually hurts, going back to the house alone, sleeping in our bed with his only remaining unwashed shirt next to me so that I could feel as if he's there. It hurts cos I miss him badly.

But I have to be strong. I have to be supportive cos I know its even harder for him there. And I give him my full and total blessings cos that's what he does best and I am not lonely cos what I feel today, and every other day is that I miss him.

I act all cheery, chirpy and bubbly because he must not know how much it hurts as I don't want him to feel bad about leaving me here cos I love him.

And tonight I sleep a teary sleep.



Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device via Vodafone-Celcom Mobile.

Testing testing
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device via Vodafone-Celcom Mobile.

blegh

I am really sleepy. But I can't seem to sleep heh.

Here comes the rambling post again.

Oh, I miss my friends. Like really. Not the ones that come and the go and then comes again. I mean the real honest ones that sticks with me no matter what. I miss the old times. I miss my husband. Do you know its like a different whole thing between missing a husband and missing a boyfriend? Meh.

Gah. My life is sooooo dull and mundane nowadays. Its like all I do is sleep and do stupid stupid daily routines.

Did not went to the gym, did not work, did not do anything. I don't think I have been functioning properly these last few days.

I hope Monday will be a better day.

rojak 1

I miss him. A LOT.

Corny lagi, but hello, I am allowed. He is my husband after all. :)

Anyway, today, like at the back like really really back of my head, I wondered what if I try to maintain the cafe and give it another go? Hm.

And oh, I went to the clinic and the doctor thought I was pregnant. Cute. Honestly, when it came out negative, I felt a little bit disappointed. And oh, I went there because I haven't been menstruating for four months!

The top 2 things I want to do this year is to pass all 3 papers, climb mount kinabalu and take up scuba diving. And, go to the gym regularly. It has been 3 months I think since I last went to the gym, and how I got hooked with that is another story all together. lol.

Good night lovers.

random love note

Dear blogblog,


Its different you know, being married and being in a relationship. I get to wake up to the person I love every single morning. Do something in between.
And then do things together and knowing he'd be there to accompany me. Do impromptu things like going for a movie, a karaoke session or just hanging around at the house playing games and all, make everything feels so meaningful. And then when its time to go to bed, he is going to be the last person I see, I kiss and I hold.


But not everything is easy as it seems. He has to bear with me always wanting to wake up late. He has to bear with me being a sloppy messy person. And I have to bear with him being a neat freak (he wakes up and immediately cleans the house!) I have to bear with him being fussy. But those are the things that makes him perfect. The imperfections of each other makes us feel it is the most perfect thing in the world. The imperfections made us fell for each other more and more each day.


I love you Shahnaz.

and he left.

Hey blogblog,

Last post was on February, and now its May. How time flies!

The last 3 months: Friends treat me for spa packages few weeks before the wedding yeay! Bought shoes! Hola came back for 3 days just for me and became my maid of honour. Had my solemnization at Shah Alam on Friday 19th March at around 4pm. Had my side of reception on the 20th at my house. Had his side of reception at KGPA on the 21st. All the friends that matters came. I love them to death!

Moved to our new house in Sunway on 23rd. Went for our honeymoon in Bali from the 27th to 3rd April (long I know!) Spent all weekends at both our parents house. We are basically like nomads.

In the midst of selling of the business for a very good price.

Today, he went away again. Sad. :(

Will retell allllll those things mentioned above. When I am bored.

Good night

what I want.

This month, another 34 days to my wedding I would like these:

1. A spa package. The whole shebang, massage, facial, lulur etc. I am tired to my core bones and I need this!

2. For the fiancee to at least be in the same wave length with me. I mean, I love him, very much. But its either the dais, or the meja beradab (which is in the package anyway). Not 2 people sitting on top of the stairs eating by themselves. Not my idea of wedding. Maybe his sister said its ok and all, but he is marrying me, not her. Its our wedding after all.

3. To lose weight. Will start rigorously this weekend.

4.To have Hola back soon.

5. To have some money to at least splurge on shoes and new lingerie

That is all for now.

38 days!

I am honestly tired. Extremely excruciatingly tired.

Only 38 days to go to my wedding and I am still like this, blergh.

I want to go for a spa, for my hen's nights, for a weekend vacay. Haigh.

Honestly, to this day, I still regret making this stupid decision. (no, not you my love)

Geez.

pre-wedding anxiety.

I am getting married in less than 2 months and although it may seem like a fairy tale ending for me, I am actually quite sad. Because I can't imagine the thoughts of having to leave my parents' house, for good.

Sometimes I cry in bed thinking how would my life be after this. No. Not that I am scared to face any hardships with him, not that I am ungrateful for the blessings He gave me, the wonderful person He brought in my life, the friends He gave me to brighten up my days. But I just don't know how to explain what I am feeling in words.

When I was 18, I can't wait to get out from the house because well, who doesn't. But now, only few days left, I can't wait to actually be home early and spend more time with them.

Sick. I know.

*sigh*

I am broke but I am cannot admit it to anyone. I have that much pride in me. And I don't want to burden anyone.

I have not paid my car and maybe within 18 days, kena tarik. Heh.

I am currently looking at jobstreet to find a job. A real job.

I need it real soon.

I have so much headache in me. I don't know which one I should prioritize first with so many things going on. The kedai, whether to continue cima this semester or not, the wedding preparations, the loans, debts. Argh.

If only I have the nerve to ask from my parents. If only lah kan.

Will need to minta Hola duit tomorrow to pay the car.

*sigh*

resolutions 2010

Its the 2nd day of 2010. How time flies kan?

Celebrated it with a simple dinner organized by Hola at Havana, Changkat. Amazingly, there were no traffic jams and going there was a breeze.

Close friends were there and that was all I needed.

This year, my resolutions are simple.

To spend more time with le familia, friends and fiancee. To be a better servant to the Him. To make more money. To travel more. To be fitter and exercise more. And lastly, to be a good wife.

InsyaAllah, at 25, I am much more matured and will try to be a better person as a whole.

Pray for me ok.